Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Writers Blogger's Block

Need I say more? Well yes actually, I do need to say more but I can't. That's the problem. I just don't know what to say despite all blog-worthy events that have taken place in the last few days. Maybe that's the problem; there's so much going on that my brain doesn't have time to stop thinking/feeling/wishing/praying long enough to compose a decent post about the above-mentioned scenarios. Either way, I'm stuck. Maybe a little cookies-n-cream dairy dessert will get the old wheels turnin again. I'll keep you posted. (maybe) (okay, that was a very horrible pun. see what I'm dealing with here!)

Friday, October 10, 2008

It's Autumn Time

I have had a candle burning in my dining room all morning. It is pumpkin spice. Every year as the summer churns to an end, the days get shorter and the bright yellow school buses begin to appear, I pull out this candle. It excites me for fall, my favorite time of the year ever since I was a little girl growing up in Idaho. I can sit on my couch, close my eyes, take in a deep breath and suddenly I am outside at a football game, snuggled up in a blanket or surrounded by trees full of reds, oranges and yellows. I watch the leaves flutter as a crisp breeze gently floats through, reminding me that winter is right around the corner. And then I open my eyes, and I remember that I live in Texas now and we don't get fall until the end of November and the leaves never really change much here, they just fall off. So I get off the couch, go throw on some shorts and a T-shirt and take my daughter outside to play until the next time I am yearning for the autumn time of my youth!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

More to Learn

The other night I went to bed early, around 9:30 pm. However a mere two hours later I awoke for apparently no reason. I rolled over, pulled the blanket up snug around my chin and closed my eyes expecting to doze off immediately. But sleep did not come. I tried reading, surfing the internet but it seemed nothing was willing to assist me on my journey to dreamland. And then thoughts began to fill my mind. I was unable to figure out why those particular thoughts visited me that night. They all had to do with past heartaches, sorrows, and trials I have experienced. And I was surprised to find that, despite several years having passed, the wounds were still raw and a bit tender. As I lay there that night, surrounded by stillness and darkness, I couldn't help wonder why. Why after all these years did the memories still wet my cheeks and cause my heart to ache? And then I heard it, the small, quiet whisper in my head that said "There is still more to learn." I almost laughed out loud in contempt. What if I don't want to learn anymore? What if I just want to forget? I could write volumes on the things I have learned from some of those experiences. Isn't that enough? I've learned patience. I've learned forgiveness. I've learned that I don't always know what's best for me but the Lord does. I've learned to enjoy today instead of waiting for tomorrow to be better. I've learned that just because something makes you feel important, doesn't mean it's right. I've learned to swallow my pride and admit when I am wrong (okay this one I'm still learning.) I've learned that counting my blessings on a daily basis makes the hard times not quite so hard. And that doing good for others can drag me out of any rut of self-pity, no matter how deep or muddy.

And then I stopped. The list wasn't finished; there was more that could be added. But I reviewed it in my head shocked to find that despite the real pain I felt over some of these struggles initially and the dull ache that still remained, the growth that had come from experiencing them has far outweighed any hurt they have brought. I mean, look at my list! And it's not even finished. I quickly continued the list in my head and then in a somewhat pleading manner, instead of wishing for the complete elimination of the discomfort associated with these memories, I began to hope that what I have yet to learn will be at least close in value to what I have already learned.